Cigarette that kills non-smokers launched

01-11-12

A NEW type of cigarette transfers its negative health effects to the nearest non-smoker.

Still wonderfully relaxing, plus you don’t die horribly

Quantum Fags were developed by scientists who believe passionately that cigarettes were killing the wrong people, as non-smokers are generally more annoying.

They developed nicotine particles that can exist simultaneously in two places at once.

The pleasure-giving chemicals remaining within the smokers’ lungs while the deadly stuff teleports into the nearest non-smoker, making them cough terribly.

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “Someone who hasn’t smoked their whole life, and more to the point wouldn’t hesitate to tell you about it, will find themselves wheezing like a dinner lady.

“Thus society can remove its priggish killjoys by furiously smoking them to death whilst having a bloody good time in the process.”

Smoker Roy Hobbs said: “I have always felt it was unfair that smoking kills you. Much better that a total stranger should die.

“Will their fingers turn yellow? That would be really clever.”

 

 

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