Computers confirmed as a lot of bollocks

COMPUTERS are a pointless load of bollocks, it has been confirmed.

As the NHS was attacked by hackers, experts stressed this was inevitable because computers are a massive pain in the arse that create twice as many problems as they are supposed to solve.

Professor Henry Brubaker, from the Institute for Studies, said: “The only reason they exist is to be sold to people who want to look at the internet – which is 99 percent utter fucking drivel.

“They are ridiculously expensive given that it’s just some cheap metal and plastic assembled by poorly paid Chinese people.

“They never, ever work as advertised and you end up being totally reliant on this thing that could just stop working at any moment. It is completely insane.”

He added: “Sit under a tree, read a book, write a letter, eat a satsuma, learn to play the mandolin. Stop reading this.

“Computers. Are. Bollocks.”