Facebook Memories there to remind you what a twat you used to be

FACEBOOK’S ‘on this day’ feature exists solely to remind you that you used to be an embarrassing arse, it has been confirmed.

Although appearing to be a charming reminder of years gone by, the feature actually leaves users mortified about awful fashion choices and posts full of toe-curling emotional ‘oversharing’.

Facebook user Emma Bradford said: “I’ve had Facebook since my teens, so most of my ‘memories’ are snaps of me with weird highlights and an embarrassing loose tie.

“I’m not only dressed like a wanker but in most of the pictures I seem to be all over horrible, pimply, dickhead boys. Still, at least it distracts attention from my fucking awful poetry.”

Fellow user Tom Booker agreed: “I’ll always wonder how many of my now-adult friends have seen I spent a full month posting 15 times a day about Rage Against the Machine becoming Christmas number one.

“That and trying to look hard while smoking a badly-rolled spliff. I feel a bit sick just thinking about it.”

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I made £600 million from racist jokes in the 80s, says Lord Sugar

ALAN Sugar has defended an offensive tweet by saying nobody minded when he built a business empire selling racist jokes in the 1980s.

The Apprentice star, criticised for tweeting an amusing observation about black people looking similar, said he made a fortune buying up racist jokes cheaply and selling them on at a profit.

Sir Alan said: “Racist jokes may seem outdated now but people couldn’t get enough of them back then. Everyone wanted one.

“I’d buy van-loads of them from comedians in Northern working men’s clubs then ship them down to London and flog them to the City boys at three times the price. I was making 80 grand a week.

“I remember Jim Davidson used to come round and say, ‘What have you got in the van for me this week, Alan? Any ‘Chalkies’?’

“When the old verbal jokes got a bit outdated in the 1990s I was still coining it in thanks to racist jokes by email. Your parents probably bought one. They’d show it off when they had friends round.”

Wayne Hayes of Guildford said: “My dad had a racist joke. We had a lot of fun with it in the 80s but it stopped working when people became less bigoted bastards.”