Gods of the Shining Fruit begin faith-testing process

25-06-12

THE deities that control the Shining Fruit are testing the devotion of their followers, it has emerged.

We beseech ye, o fruit

They have decreed that the latest shiny-thing-which-must-be-owned shall not be compatible with the many costly and desirable accessories of its former incarnations.

Hence there has been much wailing and gnashing of teeth among those who have devoted their lives to the Path of the Shining Fruit.

Fruitian Tom Logan said: “Keepers of the reflective pomaceous thing, why do you mock us so?

“Have we not been good and loyal subjects, ever ready with credit or debit cards to buy each new shiny thing, even if it is largely identical to the previous one? Then buying a load of other shit to go with it.”

An angry mob has gathered outside the Shining Fruit’s flagship London temple, hurling rocks and laptops at the huge awe-inspiring building.

Blue t-shirted high priestess Emma Bradford emerged to placate them, saying: “It is but a test.

“Those who remain faithful will one day ascend to the floating sky city of Applelopolis, where the benevolent Jobs reigns over shimmering streets in which the internet never buffers.”

However the cloud-dwelling Keepers of the Shining Fruit have yet to explain their motivation to mortals, preferring to remain mysterious.

However Shining Fruit theologist Roy Hobbs said: “It is possible that we have offended the Gods by coveting cheaper, less ergonomic technology.

“And for that we shall be punished with Android.”

 

 

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