Hotmail replacement intimidatingly cool

HOTMAIL has been re-branded as the uber-cool Outlook, leaving many too intimidated to use it.

Open attachments the sexy way

Microsoft had been concerned that their webmail service had lost the ‘cool factor’ that is essential for things that send and receive electronic data, with many users defecting to the ultra-chic Gmail.

Microsoft technology stylist Stephen Malley said: “Outlook is now. It’s ooh. It’s aah. It’s a feeling. It’s you. It’s me.

“If you can’t handle that, you might as well kill yourself.”

However the strikingly hip new Outlook, with its zeitgeisty picture of a woman on the sign-in page and trend-centric features as automated message-sorting, risks alienating those users who aren’t stylish and sexy.

Former Hotmail user Emma Bradford said: “Outlook is just too trendy for me. I stuck with Hotmail because I’m not a confident person who goes to yacht parties, like Gmail users.”

Sales manager Tom Logan said: “I don’t want my email to be sexier than I am. It’s too much, it’s like being in Blade Runner or something.”

Technologist Roy Hobbs said: “It looks amazing but because of its incredible slinkiness every Outlook email I write ends up being about sex and parties.

“I must get back into my AOL account, I never get unwanted erections while using that.”