I am utterly pathetic, says nagging voice in iPhone queuer’s head

THE inner voice of a man queueing for the new iPhone is telling him that he needs to get his shit together.

I hate myself so very much

I hate myself so very much

38-year-old Tom Booker spent the night on the pavement of Oxford Street in the hope of purchasing a communication device.

Booker said: “I’m all about the 5S, with its awesome finger scanner.

“Even if it has sold out before I get one, this is still a memorable experience – there’s a real magic in the air.”

However the nagging voice of Logan’s subconscious mind told him: “What the fucking hell am I doing here?

“It all feels so wrong. How did my life end up like this?

“I am such a pathetic dupe, queueing like some Dickensian orphan for my dollop of corporate techno-gruel.

“If only I had a bit more self-esteem I might be able to resist the marketing.”

Logan continued: “Apple is more than just a brand, it’s a way of life, it’s inspirational.”

Meanwhile the voice in his head said: “I’m going to buy it, take it home, open it, tinker with it for a bit, and still my existence will have no meaning.

“I should be helping children in Africa or something. Somewhere in life I chose the wrong path, the stupid path.”