Lesser-known planets demand cooler names
EXOPLANET Gliese 163c, which could support life, is leading a campaign by obscure planets that are angry about their shit names.
Gliese 163c, Kepler-22 c and HD 85512 b are among the planets outside the solar system that are demanding the right to rename themselves.
Gliese 163c said: “The ‘big eight’ – nine if you count Pluto – all have awesome names that sound like metal bands or male strippers.
“Small wonder I’m unpopulated with a name like Gliese 163c. I sound like a brand of piles ointment.
“I want to be officially recognised as ‘Viper’. Or maybe ‘CJ’.
“‘Jackmaster’ also works for me. Yeah, that’s good actually.”
Kepler-22 c said: “I’d like to be called Darkveil. It sounds very mysterious, and vaguely sexual.”
HD 85512 b said: “My terrible name makes it hard to meet female planets.
“You didn’t know there were female planets? Truly, mankind has much to learn about the universe.”