Men Incredibly Easy To Predict, Say Experts

MEN'S reactions to anything involving women are astonishingly easy to predict, new research suggests.

Men are also attracted to shiny red bottoms

Scientists showed 100 men pictures of two ladies in red and blue dresses and 98% said they would sleep with either, although they would prefer the red one as it was likely to be dirtier.

The remaining 2% said they would sleep with both of them together so they could watch them do things to each other that they had so far only seen on DVD.

Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: "The men were asked three questions: 'is she pretty?', 'would you kiss her?' and 'would you put it in her even if she was asleep?'

"While the answer to the first two varied greatly, the answer to the last one was always 'yes, as long as she did not tell my wife'."

Brubaker continued: "We then showed them pictures of large breasted and small breasted women. Christ, do you really need me to finish this?

"There was an argument about whether anything over a good handful was a waste, but that was it. It really was very depressing."

Research assistant Rebecca Hayes said men were driven by primal instincts that associated red with sex, and an overwhelming desire to insert their penis into anything female and alive.