Pretend Blackberry Obsession Rockets

MANY Blackberry owners are pretending to fixate on the gadget as an excuse for ignoring their tiresome, bleating partners, it was claimed last night.

It's great for ignoring your stupid, boring children

Research by the Institute for Studies found that 68% of Blackberry owners regularly fiddle with the device, staring at it intently as if completely absorbed in its tiny screen, just so their spouse won’t talk to them.

Father-of-two Tom Logan said: “My wife thinks I’m besotted with the machine and regularly threatens to thrown it out of the kitchen window.

“I don’t even know what it does. I just sit there typing words like ‘sfdhhrht’ with a grave expression on my face like I’m lost in some sort of profound technological communion.

“I’ll hear my wife ask questions like, do I want to go on some horrific ‘city break’ with her vile, braying friends. But I don’t respond, and after a minute or so she’ll go away.

“Works the same with the kids, and all their bullshit.”

Teacher Nikki Hollis said: “My Blackberry is much more than just a complicated electronic geegaw that makes my utterly routine existence feel slightly more jazzy.

“It’s a wonderful excuse for not responding to my husband when we’re in bed and he starts doing that oh-so-subtle ‘cuddling’ thing that means he wants to point his bloated, hairy carcass at my fandango.

“I just keep poking away with my little pen, like I’m writing an important email. Eventually he’ll give up and turn to face the wall, pretending to be asleep while secretly simmering with a silent and ever-growing resentment.

“So that’s really good.”