Scientists developing twat-free bikes

RIDERLESS bicycles free of dangerous knobheads in lycra will soon be a reality, scientists believe. 

Artificial intelligence will soon make the sanctimonious, above-the-law tossers currently mounted atop bicycles a thing of the past.

A spokesman said: “The ecological ideal of the self-operating bike, free of the tit in the saddle, once seemed the stuff of science fiction.

“Our riderless bike will not run red lights, stays off the pavement, respects other road users and never provokes arguments which it later self-righteously posts on YouTube.

“Soon our cities will be full of peaceful, riderless cycles and rage emissions will be reduced by an estimated 85 per cent.”

Cyclist Joseph Turner, aged 45, said: “You mean soon I can spend thousands on high-tech bikes without the bother of riding on them? Perfect.”