Switzerland To Be Devoured By Black Hole

PEOPLE worried that the world’s biggest physics experiment could destroy the earth were last night reassured that only Switzerland will be obliterated. 

The Large Hadron Collider

Mini-black holes created in the giant underground Large Hadron Collider in Geneva will devour the landlocked alpine country almost instantly after the machine is switched on later this summer.

However, scientists said the rest of earth would escape unharmed, although a small part of south-east France up to Grenoble could also disappear in the worse-case scenario.

Physicist Dr Wayne Hayes said: "This huge and dangerous machine will recreate the exact circumstances that caused the Big Bang. Switzerland just seemed the ideal place for it.

"We were going to bury it under Vanuatu in the south pacific but then we went there, amazing beaches, and the women, out of this world. So we just run it from here.

"After we turn it on you may hear a slight pop followed by some not unpleasant vibrations, unless you are in Switzerland, in which case be sure you are wearing clean underwear."

Dr Hayes warned that the disappearance of Switzerland into a black hole might cause some minor disruption to holidaymakers in Europe this summer.

He is advising anyone planning a journey in the area to allow themselves more time than usual and to pack warm clothes and plenty of soup.