Toast lands on buttered side because everything is shit


THE reason dropped toast always lands on the buttered side is that everything is shit, according to scientists.

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “After dropping 2,000 pieces of buttery toast and seeing every one result in a sticky mess, we concluded that the universe is just an evil place.

“You may have noticed how if anything can fuck up, it generally does.

“In essence, it’s not really worth trying to do anything – work, relationships or even a hobby – because it will all fail miserably.”