Two-Thirds Believe Their Windows Are Giant Screens

20-08-10

MOST people are convinced that the view from their living room is a 2D image made of pixels.

The screen switches itself off at night

Research by the Institute for Studies found that almost 70 percent believe that windows are non-interactive screens and that ‘outside’ exists on a purely conceptual level.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “The internet fulfils our most basic needs, while most letterboxes have been widened to facilitate the delivery of all but the largest Domino special offers.

“The English, most of whom are without work, have precious little reason to go outside unless their house catches on fire. Even then 64% say at that point they would just keep masturbating.”

Unemployed man, Bill McKay, said: “There’s a big screen in the middle of my bedroom wall with a picture of a tree on it, and sometimes also a car.

“I’ve tried dragging the car onto the top of the tree but it appears not to be touch-sensitive.

“I’ve been looking for the keyboard that operates it, because I would like to change the picture to breasts, or some hostages being beheaded.”

He added: “I’ve heard about the ‘outside’, I googled it. I think it’s real but invisible, like ghosts.”

Emma Bradford, an accountant who works from home and shops online, said: “People say that if you go outside you can see what’s on the wall-screens, but from different angles. Also that the air gets hot and cold in ways that cannot be controlled.”

She added: “If there is an outside, why hasn’t it come in? I’m sure it would be trying to get me, somehow.

“Definitely it is evil.”

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