Ageing Population Will Have To Take Tea As It Comes

15-07-09

AN ageing population means that old people may lose the right to pick holes in any cup of tea they haven't made themselves, according to new research.

'I suppose this tea is from India. Like my doctor.'

By 2084 every other person will be over 90, placing a heavy strain on Britain's tea-making resources and making it untenable for old people to give a detailed critique of every hot drink put in front of them.

Stephen Malley, of the Institute for Studies, said: "Unless geriatrics can learn to drink their tea as it comes and without complaint, they will no longer be able to expect a continual supply."

The reports suggests that feedback from elderly persons about their tea being 'like dishwater', 'stewed', 'too cold', 'too hot', 'too full', 'having not enough/too much sugar' 'not right' and 'still not right' should be completely ignored, in the same way you ignore their malicious gossip about the Asian family who have recently moved in nearby.

Mr Malley added: "Old people are going to have to accept faster, more expedient tea making as a fact of life. Obviously they'll moan, but they'll still have their puzzle magazines, and their increasingly jumbled memories of the halcyon days when everyone had polio.

"And here's a tip, when they ask if you've warmed the pot first, just say 'yes'. It doesn't make slightest difference anyway."

Bill McKay, of the Federation of Old Persons, said: "Yes it does. You can't make a decent cup of tea unless you've warmed the pot for at least ten minutes. Then when you've made the tea you have to leave it to stand for at least quarter of an hour, otherwise you could die in agony."

He added: "Can I have some of your money?"

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