‘Alienated voter' actually just a twat

30-06-16

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A MAN who claims he has been ignored by politicians is actually a lazy dipshit who just likes complaining, it has emerged.

Retail worker Martin Bishop superficially appears to have a legitimate grievance, but in reality is an ignorant sod who makes things up so he can rant about them.

Co-worker Tom Logan said: “Martin says politicians never listen to people like him, but that might be a good thing because he talks shit, like today when he said Britain is 85 per cent Muslim now.

“Once I asked if he’d ever tried contacting our local MP. He said there wasn’t any point because they’re too busy shagging high-class prostitutes in their ivory tower, which he thinks is an actual building.

“Also our MP is a 62-year-old former union rep called Sandra who holds a weekly surgery at the civic centre and campaigns for better disabled access, so I can’t really picture that somehow.

“I’d take Martin’s opinions about politicians more seriously if he wasn’t so badly informed about everything else, but this is a guy who thinks humans ‘defeated’ the dinosaurs.”

Bishop said: “Politicians think ordinary people like me are idiots, but what d’you expect when it’s all about who you bummed at Oxbridge?

“I could teach them a thing or two about the real world, like how to complete Call of Duty on Veteran mode.”

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