Archbishop Of Canterbury Loses Mind
THE Church of England was under temporary management last night after the Archbishop of Canterbury lost his mind during an interview with the BBC.
The Right Reverend Rowan Williams surprised colleagues when half way through the recording he stripped down to his underpants and spread his legs so wide that each one was draped over an arm of the chair.
Britain's most senior clergyman then pointed to his groin, nodding slowly, before claiming that Jesus was a hefty, black woman and challenging everyone in the room to punch him in the stomach.
Holding his hand over a burning candle, the Archbishop said: "The thing about me, right, is that I'm always pushing the outside of the envelope. I'm always challenging pre-conceived ideas.
"You say Jesus was a thirty-something Jewish guy with a beard. That's fine, but I'm saying he was an 18 stone woman from Harlem. Are you saying I'm wrong? Do you want wrestle me? Is that what's going on here?"
He added: "You say we need rules. I say why? You say we need clothes. I say why? Punch me in the stomach. Do it!
"You want to make women dress up in big sacks, that's cool. You want to chop off a few hands, stone a few gayboys. That's your bag and I'm down with it."
He then grabbed the BBC reporter by the lapels and said: "Are you afraid to get naked with me boy?"
The Archbishop then ran from the room, removing his underpants and shouting: "Look at it! Look at my dancing penis!"
Reverend Williams was later spotted running into woodland near Gravesend where he is believed to have spent the night.