Are you a twat?

24-10-12

With a twat cull planned for later in the year, taking this simple test devised by expert twattologists could save your life. Simply answer ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to each of the following questions to discover whether you are a twat.

Don’t rely on asking your friends, they may also be twats

The Institute for Studies’ Twat Test

1. Have you ever kissed your own bicep?

2. Do you know the names of two or more luxury jam brands?

3. Are you in favour of Ben Elton?

4. When arriving by car to collect a friend, do you simply pull up in the middle of the road and honk your horn until they emerge?

5. Have you ever registered a Twitter account in the name of a celebrity’s pet?

6. Do you regularly use the word ‘lifestyle’?

7. Do you consider yourself more knowledgeable about wine than others in your peer group?

8. Would you describe yourself as having a ‘packed schedule’?

9. Do you work in television?

10. Have you already planned your costume for next year’s Bestival?

11. Have you ever been described as ‘excitable’?

12. Can you juggle, or do you think juggling is good?

 

OK – Am I a twat?

 

6-12 yeses: You are a twat. Congratulations! Not really, you’re dreadful.

5-1 yeses: You a borderline twat, standing at the crossroads of twatdom. There is a small amount of hope for you, if you cancel your subscription to Stylish Masturbator magazine.

0 yeses: You are not a twat. Well done. Unfortunately you will never make any money and are doomed to live in a perpetual state of frustration.

 

 

 

  • Share:

  • Badger_Pic_inside