BADGERS remain utterly incapable of crossing roads while avoiding oncoming traffic, anyone who drove through a rural area over the weekend has confirmed.
The woodland animals, despite having close to a century to get used to the idea, have evidently yet to master the art of not stopping dead directly in front of a five-tonne HGV travelling at sixty miles per hour.
Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “Farmers can stop asking for a badger cull. Judging by the roads, there’s one already in rapid progress.
“These animals have been around for millions of years. They’ve beaten predators, ice ages and the destruction of their habitats. Is it really too much to ask that they look both ways before strolling out onto the A34?
“Our roads are lined with their corpses. What are they even crossing for? They mainly eat invertebrates which exist in ample quantities on both sides of major highways.
“Fair enough if this was the 1950s and the Morris Minor was relatively unknown, but come on. I’m not saying they need to memorise the entire Highway Code, but a few basics might be nice.
“The rest of the Tufty Club seem to make it. You don’t see squirrels or rabbits anywhere near as often because they were taught to stop, look, listen. But do badgers bother? Do they bollocks.”
Badger Martin Bishop said: “See that big thing coming at us really fast? I reckon I can f**k it right up.”
