BBC apologises for making Piers Morgan look comparatively good

THE BBC issued an official apology last night after comments by Jeremy Clarkson made it possible for Piers Morgan to appear relatively human.

Taking no shit from twerps

Clarkson’s now-infamous One Show comments about striking public sector workers created a two-hour window in which Piers Morgan was able to leap on Twitter and register his outrage, and thus temporarily look better than someone else.

A BBC spokesman said: “We apologise unreservedly for inadvertently creating a digital portal through which Piers Morgan was able to clamber back into the human race, aided by his oddly endearing use of the word ‘twerp’.

“Measures are currently being taken to ensure that Piers Morgan’s temporary veneer of decency loses its sheen as quickly as possible. By Piers Morgan.”

Piers Morgan said: “The second I saw Alex Jones bite her lower lip, you’d better believe I was straight on Twitter, like a virtual rat up a virtual drainpipe.

“Or more precisely a reptile, going up whatever reptiles go up.

“You have to remember that opportunities like this don’t come along too often. I mean, what else other than Clarkson is less beloved than me?

“The sound of fingernails down a blackboard, huge crab-like spiders and Chlamydia, perhaps, none of which is likely to ever make outrageous comments on a family television show.”