Being outside not the same as exercise

SITTING on your arse in the garden delivers no more health benefits than sitting on your arse in the house, it has emerged.

Not a rowing machine

Not a rowing machine

The weekend heatwave saw the nation shift itself by as much as 20 feet to an outdoor chair while convinced that fresh air would somehow reduce body fat and build muscle.

Print manager Tom Booker said: “Good for you to get outdoors, innit? We had Friday night out the back putting a case of Coronas away, Saturday was the big barbecue, and on Sunday we went for a roast in a pub beer garden.

“But how come I’ve put on a stone when I was wearing a football shirt the whole time?”

Francesca Johnson of Nottingham said: “I went for a walk and had to cool myself down with two white Magnums and a Cornetto Enigma. When the weather’s like this you need regular ice cream to keep you hydrated.”

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “The majority of sporting activity takes place outside, but that does not mean that what takes place outside is necessarily sporting activity.

“For example lying under a tree eating crisps while idly hoping sexy girls in halter tops will invite you to join their rounders game make no difference at all to fitness levels.”

Lathe operator Wayne Hayes said: “My weekend was all sport, viewing through the living room window while I sat in the garden with a huge cardboard tub of breadcrumb-coated chicken parts.

“Today I have a healthy, sweaty glow.”