Bernard Manning defrosted


SEVENTIES comic Bernard Manning is being woken from cryogenic sleep after Ricky Gervais completed preparations for his return, it has emerged.

Looking forward to hosting the Golden Globes

Once-popular Manning faked his own death in 2007 as his career faltered, at which point he was frozen in a large plastic tube.

His management have confirmed that they are in the latter stages of thawing him now it is once again amusing to behave like a piece of shit.

Manning’s spokesman said: “It’s an open secret in the industry that Bernard wasn’t dead, merely dormant until the nation’s ambient cruelty had been restored to suitable levels.

“Hence we paid a number of comedians, most notably Ricky Gervais, to help restore the school bully sensibility to Britain’s comedy circuit.”

He added: “The great thing now is that criticism of anyone behaving like a spiteful prick is deemed an affront to freedom of speech, democracy, liberal shit like that.

“Performers are at last free to ‘explore words in a comedy context’. Personally the words I most look forward to hearing Bernard explore in a comedy context are Paki, coon and nigger.

“It is a natural and healthy function of art within a democracy to challenge cultural taboos, and also I like it when Bernard makes fun of Pakis.”

Manning fan and local radio DJ Tom Logan, who frequently appears on tawdry late-night TV clips show about how everything used to be better, said: “Bernard was properly funny, not like these modern so-called comedians who don’t even know how to use prejudice as a means of ingratiating yourself with a roomful of drunk people.”


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