Bernard Manning defrosted
SEVENTIES comic Bernard Manning is being woken from cryogenic sleep after Ricky Gervais completed preparations for his return, it has emerged.
Once-popular Manning faked his own death in 2007 as his career faltered, at which point he was frozen in a large plastic tube.
His management have confirmed that they are in the latter stages of thawing him now it is once again amusing to behave like a piece of shit.
Manning’s spokesman said: “It’s an open secret in the industry that Bernard wasn’t dead, merely dormant until the nation’s ambient cruelty had been restored to suitable levels.
“Hence we paid a number of comedians, most notably Ricky Gervais, to help restore the school bully sensibility to Britain’s comedy circuit.”
He added: “The great thing now is that criticism of anyone behaving like a spiteful prick is deemed an affront to freedom of speech, democracy, liberal shit like that.
“Performers are at last free to ‘explore words in a comedy context’. Personally the words I most look forward to hearing Bernard explore in a comedy context are Paki, coon and nigger.
“It is a natural and healthy function of art within a democracy to challenge cultural taboos, and also I like it when Bernard makes fun of Pakis.”
Manning fan and local radio DJ Tom Logan, who frequently appears on tawdry late-night TV clips show about how everything used to be better, said: “Bernard was properly funny, not like these modern so-called comedians who don’t even know how to use prejudice as a means of ingratiating yourself with a roomful of drunk people.”