Birmingham Is Ghastly, Says Travel Writer Who’s Been There

THE city of Birmingham and its inhabitants are so ugly they make your eyes boil, a travel writer who has actually been there said last night.

Probably worse than Glasgow

Tom Logan, an editor for the Lovely Planet series, said he had written approvingly of the city's renaissance after reading glowing reviews in a number of rival publications.

Logan said he had been impressed by the city centre canals, continental-style cafes and top class shopping, including its distinctive architect designed Selfridges.

However, after actually visiting the city one day by accident, he realised it was utterly ghastly while the local population was visually repellent and virtually incomprehensible.

Logan said: "I am a travel writer, so naturally I don't tend to get out much. As a profession we are very much tied to the desk.

"But you can't just cut and paste stuff out of the other books and put it in your own. No, you have to jumble all the words up first and then put them in your own. That takes time."

He added: "I only wanted to go to High Wycombe but I fell asleep on the train. The Venice of the Midlands? Only if Venice looks and smells like a gigantic shit.

"And what does 'yow want cheeps, cock' mean? Is it something to do with fried potatoes or are they asking me to touch their privates?"