Bristol to be reclassified as London suburb


BRISTOL is so overrun by ‘relocating’ London twats that it might as well just be in London, it has been confirmed.

Thousands are selling their houses in the capital and moving to Bristol, despite the fact that previous influxes of Londoners have already ruined it by opening overpriced vegan milkshake bars.

Former London resident Nathan Muir said: “Bristol is really similar to Hackney, but how Hackney used to be in the old days, before people like me moved there and made it an incredibly annoying place to be.

“You can pretend Bristol is a bit scary and edgy because there’s loads of graffiti everywhere, whilst being reassured that it’s the middle class kind that is making a gently humorous point about social injustices.

“I did think I’d get an extra bedroom for my money. Instead I’ve got a hippy on ketamine living in my garden shed, but at least it’s a slice of authentic Bristol life.”

A government spokesman said: “Bristol is so much like London that we’re just going to pretend it’s attached to Peckham and start calling it Brondon.

“Eventually the whole M4 corridor will be full of London bastards, except for Reading and Swindon which will be paved over for a massive park and ride scheme. Some places just can’t be gentrified.”

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