Britain could move to a one-day week if everyone stopped dicking around

BRITISH workers could enjoy six days off per week if they could manage a single day of uninterrupted work, it has been claimed.

Researchers have cast the spotlight on why Britons now spend more time at work than before ‘technology’ was even a word.

Dr Julian Cook said: “If UK drones could manage a single day without drinking loads of tea, slagging off whoever isn’t in the room and trying to shag each other, they could take the remaining six off and productivity would still be up by 15%.

“Because computers, if used for their intended purpose, are much quicker than the quills everyone was using when the working week was invented.

“One of the biggest wastes of time is everybody talking about how hard they work. The average UK worker spends two hours per day telling their colleagues how much pressure they’re under in a ‘sad voice’ while intermittently sighing.

“It’s all about work/life balance, specifically stopping balancing your work and life while at work.”

IT co-ordinator Tom Booker said: “It’s interesting because although I go to an office five days per week I’ve never really thought about it as a place of work. It’s more of a drop-in centre.

“I don’t know about getting that time back though. I worry I might just fill it with wanking.