the dailymash

Police said the Samaritan, who has been applauded for checking you into the hospital, matches the description of the man seen brutally assaulting you, taking all your money and leaving you for dead.

The Samaritan last night dismissed the accusations, and repeated his claim that you were attacked by a gang of well-dressed Americans.

But eyewitness Stephen Malley said: "Good Samaritan my arse. I saw the whole thing.

"He walks up to this bloke, all friendly, looks as though he's giving him directions. Then all of sudden he lashes out, punching him in the face and pushing him to the ground.

"Then he starts kicking him repeatedly in the stomach and battering him over the head with a big book. It was brutal."

Mr Malley added: "He then checks to see if anyone's watching before nicking the bloke's wallet and his house keys. Then he gets out his mobile and phones for an ambulance. Yeah, it was definitely the same guy."

Meanwhile the Archbishop of Canterbury, Dr Rowan Williams, last night urged the government abandon its plan to shove the Duke of Westminster through the eye of a needle.

Dr Williams added: "One could say that the British economy is like the pregnant virgin, in the very real sense that she's obviously been fucked but no-one's owning up to it. I thank you."