Britain trapped in downward spiral of bicycle addiction

05-10-12

BRITAIN is in the grip of a deadly addiction to bicycles, according to new research.

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As bike-pusher Halfords reported record sales, experts said the liberalisation of cycling laws had created a generation who may as well be French.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “There are now hundreds of thousands of people in this country who are of no use to anyone except Halfords.

“You would not want them in your place of business and the idea of having one in your home turns the stomach.

“They come in dripping with sweat and self satisfaction and then steal money from your secret jar so they can buy disgusting shorts.

“I feel particularly sorry for parents who did their best, only for their child to come home one day full of horrible, boring environmentalism.”

Brubaker said that anyone who campaigned for cycle lanes to be legalised should have their houses confiscated and accused the BBC of glamourising bicycles.

He added: “If you watch the One Show it seems every other person is being handed an Olympic gold medal just because they can go a bike faster than a German.”

 

 

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