Britons beg to be released from tyranny of Facebook birthdays

MILLIONS are pleading with Facebook to stop making them spend vast amounts of time responding to birthday notifications, it has emerged.

Facebook users are enslaved in a grim daily routine of acknowledging birthdays in case someone thinks they are being slightly unfriendly.

Sales manager Tom Logan said: “I spend hours every week sending matey birthday greetings to ex-colleagues I can barely remember and people who bullied me at school.

“Last night I didn’t have time to play with my young son because I had 15 birthdays to respond to including a guy I had a couple of drinks with at a conference in 2009.

“I don’t want anyone to have an unhappy birthday, I just want my life back.”

Teacher Nikki Hollis said: “I used to think birthday reminders were nice, but I get so many I’ve started wishing some of my friends would die to reduce my birthday workload.

“I’m sure they could replicate Facebook birthdays automatically with an algorithm that sends a really bland message like ‘Hope you have a good one! x’.”

Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg said: “I have 311,453,906 Facebook friends so I hate birthdays more than you can imagine, but we still have to make you look at our adverts.”