Britons beg to be released from tyranny of Facebook birthdays

11-01-17

MILLIONS are pleading with Facebook to stop making them spend vast amounts of time responding to birthday notifications, it has emerged.

Facebook users are enslaved in a grim daily routine of acknowledging birthdays in case someone thinks they are being slightly unfriendly.

Sales manager Tom Logan said: “I spend hours every week sending matey birthday greetings to ex-colleagues I can barely remember and people who bullied me at school.

“Last night I didn’t have time to play with my young son because I had 15 birthdays to respond to including a guy I had a couple of drinks with at a conference in 2009.

“I don’t want anyone to have an unhappy birthday, I just want my life back.”

Teacher Nikki Hollis said: “I used to think birthday reminders were nice, but I get so many I’ve started wishing some of my friends would die to reduce my birthday workload.

“I’m sure they could replicate Facebook birthdays automatically with an algorithm that sends a really bland message like ‘Hope you have a good one! x’.”

Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg said: “I have 311,453,906 Facebook friends so I hate birthdays more than you can imagine, but we still have to make you look at our adverts.”

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