Cheery tube driver actually a pain in the arse
A LONDON underground driver who has been cheering up commuters with his amusing asides for over a decade is just a pain in the arse, it has been confirmed.
Research has revealed that the happiness generated by Northern line driver Bill McKay’s light hearted quips begins and ends inside his own head.
Meanwhile, his passengers find his relentlessly bubbly and irrepressibly irreverent comments to be just another grim test of endurance.
Commuter Nikki Hollis said: “I’ve been getting this line for seven years, and every morning McKay greets me with a cheery remark aimed at bringing some sunshine to my day. I hate his guts.
“When I commute by tube, I just want to close my eyes and ignore the horror that surrounds me, not be forced to listen to some self-effacing banter about ticket prices from a bastard.
“If I wanted to hear a witless commentary on something I wish to God wasn’t happening to me, I would rent a Guy Ritchie DVD.”
Roy Hobbs, who travels from Brent Cross to Goodge Street, added: “Those cheeky warnings about not standing too near to the doors are actually just a bit weird.
“And when the train stops in a tunnel for no apparent reason, the last thing you need is some fucker making a shit joke about vampires.”
McKay remained oblivious to his passenger’s hate-filled misery, adding: “I might start telling them how much I get paid.”