Criticising schools ‘vital’ to shit parenting

CONSTANTLY criticising your child’s school is a vital part of being a shit parent, it has been claimed.

Useless parents believe the best way to help their offspring is by reacting hysterically to anything the school does and regularly threatening to kick teachers’ heads in.

Mother-of-two Emma Bradford said: “I found out the teachers at my son Callum’s primary school had been making the children race each other for their own sick amusement.

“They dressed the kiddies up in little shorts and made it hard for them to run by making them carry an egg on a spoon. As well as the risk of paedophiles, the eggs are full of cholesterol.

“Naturally the first thing I did was call the local paper. The little mite was so traumatised he’s not been able to do anything except steal bikes all week.

“I went round to see the headmaster but he’s still off work after I punched him for confiscating Callum’s phone, just because his friends wanted to hear all the ringtones during a lesson.”

Shit parents expressed further concerns including pupils being forced to do unpaid work and putting on weight due to being made to sit down.

Parent Tom Logan said: “The teachers keep telling my kids all these terrifying stories about witches, transvestite wolves and this ravenous caterpillar that absolutely will not stop, like the fucking Terminator or something.

“It’s no wonder they can’t get to sleep after staying up till 3am drinking Coke and playing Need for Speed.”