A SHOCKING drama-documentary will show the Taliban kidnapping Prince Harry and then regretting it almost immediately.
The 90-minute film depicts the Afghan fighters descending quickly into violent recriminations over whose idea it was to snatch the unbearable little shit in the first place.
Within minutes of being taken from an army convoy the prince is seen giving nicknames to his Afghan enemies, including ‘Beardy Bob’, ‘Tommo’ and ‘Jim-Jam’.
He then spends his first 48 hours in captivity borrowing cigarettes and asking everyone who comes into his cell how many girls they have had sex with.
The prince also makes constant demands for champagne while urging his captors to play a drinking game called ‘boozy tits’. When they remind him they are all devout muslims he calls them ‘homos’ and asks for a pornographic magazine.
At the end of day three, senior Taliban figures are shown discussing their options including feeding him to a rabid goat, casually pushing him over a cliff or sealing him inside a cave in the Tora Bora mountains with Graham Norton.
But they eventually concede that killing the prince would be a tactical error and instead agree that any Taliban fighter showing even the faintest glimmer of sanity would be punished by guarding Harry for an entire weekend.
In one particularly harrowing scene, the third in line to the throne is shown being interrogated, but continually interrupts the questions and asks everyone in the room how many girls they have had sex with.
When he is met with silence he bursts out laughing and says ‘it’s none, isn’t it? – you’re all virgins’ before shouting ‘virgins!’ over and over again until one of the younger Taliban breaks rank and punches him right in the face.
The scene ends with a large quantity of cheering.
