Drones feel excluded from army life

UNMANNED drones have described being made to feel ‘different’ and ‘inferior’ by army comrades.

Doesn’t actually fancy Ryan Gosling

A report by the British Army also highlighted shocking instances of drone segregation, bullying and sexual harassment.

One unmanned, unnamed drone based in Helmand Province claimed that despite thousand of hours spent circling insurgents, when it came to meal-time back at base it was still ‘very much a case of us and them’.

It said: “I’ve been held down in my bed and beaten on the wings with a bar of soap stuffed into a sock, which is disgusting when you consider that we’re all fighting the same war.”

Another drone who gave his name as ‘Michael’ said: “We’d had a great day, just bombing the shit out of people and me and some of the guys were watching Crazy Stupid Love in the dorm when the conversation turned to Ryan Gosling.

“I said I found him objectively attractive.

“The next thing I knew they’d pinned me down, stripped me and painted a picture of me bumming Ryan Gosling onto my fuselage.

“Sometimes I just want to fly higher and higher until I explode.”