God reserving harshest judgement for people who say ‘Fri-yay’

GOD has confirmed that people who use the term ‘Fri-yay’ to celebrate the end of the working week will face the most severe eternal judgement.

The bastardisation of the perfectly functional word ‘Friday’ was condemned by the almighty in a statement released from on high to Grazia magazine, in what experts are calling ‘targeted messaging’.

The deity said: “Fear all ye who, on your social media channels, dare to exclaim joy in internet language that should be the preserve of fools and misguided tweens.

“When the sky darkens over your smart phones, no data allowance shall you have and no mercy shall you know.”

Reverend Roy Hobbs, from Stevenage said: “It is rare for God to specify the weightiness of his judgment outside of his official publications.

“‘Fri-yay’ is clearly a hot button issue for him.”