Google introduces 'You should probably just break up' alert

22-03-17

GOOGLE has introduced a new tool for users who keep doing searches about whether their partner is really ‘the one’.

A spokesman said: “The new algorithm tracks how many times a person takes quizzes about their emotions, reads articles about polyamory and enters vague questions about the nature of love after midnight.

“Once the alert level is reached, they receive an email directing them towards a WikiHow about handling a break-up, a playlist of uplifting songs about being independent and a guide to the best bars in the local area.”  

Google user and long-term girlfriend Nikki Hollis said: “I don’t know why the break-up alert went off for me, all I’ve been doing is looking up how happy people should expect to be in a relationship.

“I found a really useful blog about how we demand too much from other people anyway. Everything is completely fine.”

Google revealed that it is also considering offering additional relationship alerts including ‘You’re watching quite a lot of porn’, ‘You’re looking at that guy from work’s Facebook profile again’ and ‘Your ex’s Instagram is still set to private’.

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