Guardian begins annual ruining of Christmas

10-12-13

BRITAIN GUARDIAN NEWSPAPER

THE Guardian newspaper has launched its annual appeal to make you feel dreadful about Christmas.

Unveiling a miserable George Monbiot article about how having nice things is bad, the paper pledged to ‘gnaw at our readers’ consciences like they will gnaw at the bones of horribly abused poultry’.

The paper is lining up a series of nasty, depressing yuletide features including excerpts from Jonathan Freedland’s new book It is Not a Wonderful Life, Polly Toynbee’s Guide to Turning a Nice Christmas Dinner into an Argument About Universal Benefits and a Nick Cohen article about reactionary toys made by lovely, tiny dogs.

A spokesman said: “The only good thing capitalism has ever done is to turn Christmas into a secular indulgence instead of a credulous rehashing of manipulative, Iron Age fairy stories.

“We’re going to put that on a tea towel that you can give to your gran.”

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