Hideous Londoners forced to travel above ground

05-02-14

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THE twisted troglodytes who inhabit London have been forced to expose themselves to daylight. 

The near-blind, cannibalistic subhumans, who usually live their short brutish lives in either tunnels or offices, are now groping their way through the capital’s streets.

Nathan Muir, whose slimy green-white skin began to smoke and blossom into flame when touched by the sun, said: “The yellow eye in the heavens judges me.

“It burns me for my ugliness, because I defied the Lore by exposing my flesh to the Roofless World.”

The stunted goblins are trained from birth never to make eye contact with one another and use their holy text The Met Roe to hide their faces.

Their subterranean world is paralysed by a vicious war between the Riders and the Drivers begun by the Drivers’ megalomaniac leader, Crow.

Anthropologist Dr Helen Fisher said: “Crow demands an increase in tithe for the Drivers, insane idiot savants who spend their whole lives shackled to the controls of vast mechanical worms.

“Life is unimaginably awful down in the tunnels. There is a form of crude poetry inscribed on the walls, but it’s not anything a normal human could enjoy.”

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