Holiday weather shrouded in lies and secrecy

HOLIDAY weather is the main source of dishonesty in the UK, say researchers.

Perfect in every regard

Almost unimaginably perfect

The Institute for Studies found that people would rather admit to an affair with a close relative than confess a couple of wet days during their annual break.

Holidaymaker Wayne Hayes said: “The rain absolutely fucked down the whole time I was in New York so whenever anyone asks about it I just blabber about that crack whore I picked up in Central Park.

“We immersed ourselves in the city’s cultural and gastronomic delights but coming back without peeling shoulders feels somehow shameful.

“Everyone else seems to have sunny holidays and that bothers me even though it’s not like life is a relentless quest for petty one-upmanship.

“Actually, thinking about it, life is a relentless quest for petty one-upmanship.”

Travel agent Mary Fish said: “Snappy Snaps now offers a full ‘Weather Deceit’ package, digitally inserting sunshine into holiday pictures as well as photoshopping smiles onto scowling faces.

“And by next summer security scanners at UK airports will be fitted with high-intensity sunbed tubes to guarantee returning Britons the ideal ‘Tom Baker after a port and cheese bender’ skin tone.”