Ignoring of hosepipe ban begins


EVEN Britons without lawns have begun using hosepipes as the determination to disregard a ban has kicked in.

Without healthy lawns, everything else will die

The ignoring of the hosepipe ban officially began today, as millions of householders across the UK vowed not to be told what to do, regardless of whether it was in their best interests.

Retired engineer Julian Cook said: “I’m going to water my lawn and then water my house. Yes the house looks a bit dry, so I’m going to thoroughly hose it down before washing the dog.

“I haven’t even got a dog, I’m going to borrow one just so I can show those petty-minded bureaucrats they can’t tell me things.

“I don’t believe all this talk about ‘reservoirs’. The very word sounds French.”

Postmistress Donna Sheridan said: “I live in a flat, so I’ve just pulled the end off my shower attachment – making it into a rudimentary hose – then turned the taps on full and stuck the end out of the window.

“As an English person it’s my duty to be contrary, especially when it comes to the loss of the ability to do something I don’t need to do.”

A government spokesman said: “In the light of this morning’s events, we are officially un-banning hosepipes. Spraying loads of water everywhere is now compulsory, and if you don’t do it you’re going to prison.”

He added: “How you like them apples?”



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