Job applicants judged on whether their tattoos are any good

TATTOOS may stop you getting a job if they are dated, unimaginative or simply shit, it has emerged. 

Standard job interviews now require applicants to strip naked and stand on a rotating platform in front of potential employers who will assess the suitability of their body art. 

Waste solutions CEO Stephen Malley said: “Interviewees can say any crap they like about being a problem-solving self-starter, but what’s written on the body doesn’t lie. 

“Chinese character? Weak-willed, bends to peer pressure, no creative ideas. Out. Metallica tattoo? Stands by their principles, resolute, unafraid to be controversial. In. 

“Strangely-shaped phoenix clearly over ex-boyfriend’s name? Not only makes serious mistakes but tries to cover them up. Out. 

“Full backpiece of the cast of Buffy the Vampire Slayer beautifully rendered in halftone grey effects? Will put up with any amount of pain for what’s truly important.” 

47-year-old Norman Steele said: “On the one hand, the Garfield tattoo on my upper arm means I will never again be gainfully employed. 

“On the other, all I have to do is show it the dole and I get my money no questions asked.”