Kick in the bollocks ‘not always a kick in the bollocks’

28-05-13

KICKING someone in the bollocks is not always the same as kicking them in the bollocks, experts have claimed.

The inevitable result of provocative slacks

The inevitable result of provocative slacks

Norman Steele, one of Britain’s leading thugs, said the alleged victims of bollock-kicking  were often unsure whether or not they had been booted squarely in plums.

Steele said: “One person may feel they’ve been the victim of a crime, another might just put it down to experience and try to avoid being kicked in the bollocks in the future.

“If they’re drunk or on drugs, they may not even remember the searing pain, coursing through their groin.”

He added: “People won’t like me saying this, but sometimes the victim has to take some responsibility for being kicked in the bollocks.

“If you go out wearing tight trousers or cycling shorts, you are definitely sending out the message ‘here are some bollocks – kick them.’

“If I’m at the match and someone shouts ‘Millwall wankers!’, clearly he is giving me his consent to mash up his nads.

“But what if someone looks at me a bit funny in the pub, or takes too long ordering a kebab? The way things are going you’ll need to sign a legal contract before you can batter their testicles.”

Nathan Muir, a Crimewatch fan from Stevenage, said: “If someone falls over in the street and then rolls onto their back with their legs slightly apart, how am I supposed to not kick them in the bollocks as hard as I can?”

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