KITTENS are at a point of maximum cuteness beyond which they will no longer be a mental balm, experts have warned.
Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “Over the last century kittens have become increasingly fluffy and large-eyed.
“Also their playfulness has intensified, causing kittens to be photographed in extremely cute scenarios involving upturned hats and flower beds.
“However our projections show that kittens have hit a ‘cuteness wall’. If they get fluffier they will simply suffocate, and if their eyes become any larger they will fall out.”
Professor Brubaker warned that bored office workers would no longer be able to use online kitten pictures as a respite from existential angst: “Kitten imagery is like antibiotics, we’ve built up a tolerance through over-use.
“As cuteness stagnates we will grow frustrated with kittens and even start to see them as little bastards.”
38-year-old sales advisor Emma Bradford said: “I need to feel mawkish affection for juvenile creatures on a daily basis, otherwise I shall go insane.
“It’s true though, I’m over kittens and puppies don’t cut it any more either. In desperation I’ve even tried looking at YouTube clips of baby fish, but they’re just floating slabs of muscle with cold staring eyes.”
