PEOPLE who insist on wearing ID lanyards outside the office believe they offer protection from black magic, it has emerged.
Researchers found that workers displaying laminated tags in pubs and on public transport are convinced they ward off all forms of evil spells.
Roy Hobbs, an IT professional from Slough said: “The lanyard doesn’t just offer security in the workplace. Its power is universal.
“I am fairly sure the woman running the local sandwich shop is a sorceress but her penis-withering curses just bounce off it.”
Accounts clerk Janet Fisher said: “The security tag not only keeps bad things away, it also attracts good ones, and if you keep it on during intercourse you can’t get pregnant.”
Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute of Studies said: “We previously believed that people who wore work tags in bars were bolstering their fragile egos by letting everybody know they had a white-collar job. We now know that they are far stupider than that.”
