A SECRET government list of those not quite important enough to be offered an honour they would then not accept has been published.
It includes the names of such insufficiently seminal figures as Tony Parsons, the artists Gilbert and George, and Janet Street Porter.
Parsons said: “I would have handed the award straight back because I am ideologically opposed to that sort of thing.
“Especially a paltry CBE. However I might, just might, have hypothetically considered the far superior Companionship of Honour.
“Probably not though. I am a lefty.”
Janette Krankie, who was almost sufficiently high-profile to knock back an honour said: “I reject the meaningless bauble and the values it enshrines, regardless of how it would make Americans want to buy me expensive dinners.
“Or rather I will reject it, in the unlikely event I’m ever offered it. Which I never will be.”
She added: “Although if I turned it down, that may be construed as pride masked by humility.
“So I would maybe accept it and them send it back, giving the less cliched impression of ‘pride redeemed by guilt’.
“Gosh, this is such a challenging hypothetical decision.”
