Man celebrates joining middle class by ordering sparkling water rather than tap

11-09-17

A FORMER working class man has marked his move to the middle class by ordering sparkling water, not tap, in a restaurant.

Julia Cook always previously opted for the traditional approach of emphatically telling waiters that tap water would be fine, but his change in status has led to a dramatic shift in behaviour.

He said: “Oh yes, it’s carbonated all the way for me now – I don’t even look at the price before I order it.

“And I have those big bottles of San Pellegrino to drink at home, usually while listening to a drama on Radio 4 or doing The Guardian crossword.”

He added: “If I’m feeling indulgent, I’ll sometimes pop a bit of organic cloudy apple juice in with it. Sublime.”

Other social status-based developments in Cook’s diet include the removal of all gluten, the introduction of industrial amounts of hummus and a switch from Coco Pops to museli that costs as much per box as an entire meal at Nando’s.

However, Cook is yet to fully assimilate as he still cannot work out why anyone would willingly consume kale.  

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