Man given medal for not fancying thin women

A MAN has received a special medal for not being especially attracted to thin women.

After bravely admitting that he prefers ‘normal sized girls’ to very slim fashion models, Wayne Hayes received a Hero of Humanity medal at Buckingham Palace.

Actual-woman fancier Wayne said: “I’m not interested in those skinny girls you see on catwalks because I am refined and yet open-minded.

“I don’t discriminate among the types of women I would allow to have sex with me. They are all welcome.

He added: “It was great to meet the Queen. As part of my progressive approach, I am actually open to sex with older women too.

“Anyway I gave her my number. I think she likes heroes.”

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Middle class woman trying to condemn Wetherspoons without using word 'common'

A GUARDIAN reader is trying to condemn Wetherspoon pubs without saying they are common.

Architect Mary Fisher, who lives in a nice tasteful house and has a cleaner, is concerned about plans to open a Wetherspoon pub near her house because then common people will come and be horrid in it.

However she pretends her real issue with the pub chain is that it is ‘too corporate’.

She said: “They sell cheap food and drink, but at what cost to the suppliers? I expect they’re very ruthless.

“Also there are clear public health issues caused by excessive drinking and the consumption of ‘mega burger meal deals’ or whatever they call them.

“That’s my issue with Wetherspoons, and also with Greggs. It’s not that they’re a bit…you know…”

She added: “A lot of my friends are working class.”

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