Man unable to form opinion on cushion
A FATHER-OF-TWO has entered a trance-like state while trying to decide whether a cushion is nice.
Staff at a Leamington Spa shopping centre were alerted after Stephen Malley’s catatonic body was found blocking a fire exit.
Security guard Emma Bradford said: “He was just standing there, staring at a cushion, repeating the phrase ‘is it nice?’ like it was a philosophical question.
“It was like he couldn’t reach a conclusion so had fallen into an inescapable mental loop.
“Actually, it was a nice cushion. Not really nice, but nice.”
There have been a number of similar incidents around the UK, as gift-hunting men struggle to comprehend the attributes of homeware items.
In Stevenage, 30 people were injured in an escalator pile-up as a man forgot to walk off at the bottom. He claimed to have lost concentration as he considered tablecloths for the first time in his life.
Teacher Roy Hobbs said: “My wife says she wants a modern fruit bowl. What the hell does that mean? Have there been some new innovations in bowl technology?”
Shop assistant Joanna Kramer said: “Roy Hobbs picked the ugliest bowl in the shop.”
36-year-old Tom Booker has a bigger problem: “My girlfriend wants a skirt, and she reckons I know the sort of thing she likes. I haven’t got a fucking clue.”