Man who went to Glastonbury robbed of smug return to work

A MAN hoping to boast about how Glastonbury Festival changed his life has found that people simply could not give a shit.

Tom Logan, 31, from Nuneaton, spent months planning the self-satisfied comments he would make about how blissed out he now feels, but was disappointed to discover that his colleagues hadn’t even noticed his absence due to the country imploding.

Logan said: “The best bit about Glastonbury is usually when I’m safely ensconced behind my desk again, pretending I had this incredible life altering experience, rather than a short holiday on a wet farm.

“Sometimes I just pretend to zone out for ages and when someone asks me if I’m ok, I look wistful and say I was remembering a really deeply connected moment I had in the healing fields.

“And later I’ll jig my knees up and down repeatedly until Carole asks me to stop and I chuckle ruefully and say I must still be a little bit high from what I took in the dance tent.

“But this year: nothing. I suffered through Adele bellowing Skyfall like a wounded donkey so I could vividly describe the emotionally-charged singalong moment and no one even cares. Thanks Boris.”