Man working up courage to use middle urinal

11-07-17

A MAN is trying to find the courage to urinate between two strangers.

Wayne Hayes has entered the pub toilet in Croydon to find two of its three urinals occupied and must now attempt to engage in elbow-to-elbow intimacy with strange men while emptying his bladder.

Hayes said: “The toilet door is closed. The two men stand like sentries. And there it is, in the middle, taunting me.

“I can’t acknowledge the situation. I just have to gird my loins, step up boldly and get the boy out as if there weren’t men midstreaming either side of me.

“Like Ronaldo taking a penalty, I have blocked out my surroundings. The world to left and right has ceased to exist. I must now make the supreme effort.

“I will emerge from this shaken, but stronger. I will have been tested and will emerge, once more, as a man.”

Evolutionary biologist Dr Mary Fisher said: “Mankind’s unwillingness to wee next to others is an instinct deep in our hypothalamus and speaks to our instinctive understanding of other humans as predators.

“You wouldn’t wee next to a leopard, would you? Exactly.”

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