Marriage Still Not As Good As 'Predator', Say Men
MARRYING a beautiful woman who shares your hopes and dreams is still nowhere near as good as Predator, according to a new survey.
A poll of husbands for Bride magazine found that 80% rated the classic Schwarzenegger gore-fest as a more satisfying experience involving higher levels of excitement and intellectual stimulation than a lifetime commitment to some woman.
Nathan Muir, an IT consultant from York, said: "That scene where they first realize the creature has a weakness sums up what it is to be a man.
"What it's like to stand shoulder to shoulder with a squad of steroid-addled loons in the jungles of Central America with nothing but your wits and a good old M134 Minigun to get you through the night.
"When Arnie looks up from the body of a pal who's just had several major organs vaporized by a seven foot skull-collecting merchant of death from space and says – 'if it bleeds, we can kill it'. It changed my outlook on life. Don't get me wrong – I like my wife. But I love Predator."
Tom Logan, 32, a solicitor from Finsbury Park, went so far as to have a Predator-themed wedding to wife Jane in July 2001.
He said: "At first she was against the idea but when she saw the dress with the string of rotting skulls around the midriff, she was made up.
"We filled the church full of smouldering jungle plants and made it look like the choir boys were hanging upside down from a branch with their stomachs cut open. It looked fantastic.
"When Jane's father walked her down the aisle we had the Vicar dress up as Predator, leap out from behind the altar and pretend to slit her throat.
"Fake blood sprayed everywhere and her dad fell to the floor screaming. He didn't have a clue what was going on. Meanwhile my Nan had some sort of vomiting fit, crossed herself and then collapsed in a heap."
He added: "We still go and see her about once a month but she's not really aware of other people anymore."