Maybe you just need to learn more, GCSE students told

PUPILS protesting GCSE results have been asked to consider whether they might get better grade if they learn more things.

Hard things are bad

As protests over lower grades intensify, education chiefs have offered an alternative explanation to a massive conspiracy between government departments.

Exam board director Roy Hobbs said: “I know kids have been getting progressively cleverer every single year and that schools have been getting better and better for the last two decades because somehow our evolution is hurtling toward us becoming a race of glowing, hovering brains.

“But that doesn’t mean you don’t need to pick up a book once in a while and look at the words contained within.

“We’d love to make it all really easy so everyone feels good, but when kids start getting pass grades just for daubing inky hand prints on exam papers you have to tighten shit up.

“It’s somewhat tough luck if you get caught up in that process, but otherwise in a few years’ time a lot of planes will be falling out of the sky and the role of teachers will be just to smoke cigarettes behind the ‘resources room’.”

A large delegation of protesting pupils with poor geography results accidentally ended up in Wakefield rather than London.

The group believed they were heading toward Downing Street, which at least three of them are aware is where the king lives.

Hobbs said: “Tell you what, I’ll give an instant English A grade to anyone who can tell me what a Wilfred Owen is.

“Nope. Thought not.”