Men begin idly browsing Amazon for 'woman gift'

25-11-13

MEN have begun half-heartedly looking through Amazon in a bid to buy something appropriate for a female.

There is a 53% chance she will not object to a Michael Bublé based thing

There is a 52% chance she will not object to a Michael Bublé based thing

As the Christmas Doomsday Clock reaches T minus one month, the website has seen an increase in search terms including ‘woman gift’, ‘Keira Knightley motorbike perfume’ and ‘books about relationships’.

Beginning his journey towards universal disappointment, Wayne Hayes, from Carlisle, said: “Last year’s present of ‘e-vouchers’ was frowned upon.

“So now I’m playing CD roulette with Michael Bublé and his fellow plastic Sinatras in a bid to remember which one she thinks is ‘brilliant’.”

Meanwhile, Amazon is offering to assess the perfect ‘woman gift’ based on her previous purchases, the items on her wish list and a complex algorithm involving stereotypes.

Delivery options will also be simplified into two options, ‘whatever, as long as it’s before the 24th’ and ‘it’s the 24th tomorrow – that’ll be sixty quid’.

Girlfriend Nikki Hollis said: “I do hope he gets me something I like, but that would mean him knowing something about me besides how many glasses of wine it normally takes.

“It’s a Christmas conundrum.”

 

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